Life journey

I took Christianity as far as it would take me. Suffering has long been a question as I read an entire book on the subject when I was in college or just after college. I remember that I still didn't understand it. 

That feeling of being in the wilderness is a theme of Christianity, especially in this modern world. I feel like that wandering has ended up for me here in Buddhist practice. A place where I don't worry about God, it is just not an important question. If there is a God, it doesn't need to hear from me or need or want constant worship and attention. I'm sure I could find a place where this is said better, but instead of worrying about the questions of life, I want to live what is happening now, rather than having questions so much. It just feels like Christianity has become more about belief and theology, so when it comes to how to live, there are many guesses in various Christian books but the Bible has a confusing mix of some good ideas with lots of recorded things that should not be followed as an example. I have found more answers in Buddhist practice than in all the Christian spiritual disciplines that I have studied.

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From Nothing Special by Charlotte Joko Beck, page 176 - 177

Only when we move through the experiential level does life have meaning. This is what Jews and Christians mean by being with God. Experiencing is out of time: it is not the past, not the future, not even the present in the usual sense. We can't say what it is; we can only be it. In traditional Buddhist terms, such a life is being buddha nature itself. Compassion grows from such roots.

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To do the work of practice, we need endless patience, which also means recognizing when we have no patience. So we need to be patient with our lack of patience: to recognize when we don't want to practice is also part of practice. Our avoidance and resistance are part of the conceptual framework that we're not yet ready to look at. It's okay not to be ready. As we become ready, bit by bit, a space opens up, and we'll be ready to experience a little more, and then a little more. Resistance and practice go hand in hand. We all resist our practice, because we all resist our lives.