The purpose of studying Buddhism is not to study Buddhism but to study ourselves

The purpose of studying Buddhism is not to study Buddhism but to study ourselves. It is impossible to study ourselves without some teaching. If you want to know what water is you need science, and the scientist needs a laboratory. In the laboratory there are various ways in which to study what water is. Thus it is possible to know what kind of elements water has, the various forms it takes, and it's nature. But it is impossible there by to know water in itself. It is the same thing with us. We need some teaching, but just by studying the teaching alone is impossible to know what "I" in myself am. Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Shunryu Suzuki, page 63

In the previous chapter he writes, Our practice has nothing to do with some particular religious belief and for you, there is no need to hesitate to practice our way, because it has nothing to do with Christianity or...

I am finding these readings helpful as I think about my practice especially as it relates to my participation in the Christian church. Of course I have the idea of joining a Sangha with access to monks which is completely unrealistic. After I get over my fantasy, I think about what kind of practice I should have. I met with a Buddhist instructor a few weeks ago and when I sounded critical of Christianity she gently gave me on alternative way to think about it. 

I always appreciate being in the presence of a monk or someone who has training. I can do some studying on my own but I always learn something in the presence of a practitioner. As I look back, I do feel growth in my understanding even though my practice is limited and inconsistent. but it is what happens in the moment and what that practiced looks like in my daily life that is key.