Confidence

I am enjoying using Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind: informal talks on Zen meditation and practice by Shunryu Suzuki as a morning devotion. The chapters are short enough to read in a short sitting and have been carefully grouped and arranged by the editors. 

A lot of Christian hymns speak of confidence but as I have described in other posts, I do not have confidence in the orthodox Christian beliefs. I lived with that confidence throughout my life but although I love Jesus, I think we should follow the way he showed us but not worship him. 

More and more though I am gaining confidence in myself and the journey I am on. "In the Zen tradition, it's said a student must have great faith, great doubt, and great determination." I attended a day-long retreat last Saturday and that is what struck me at the end of the day. The leader gave a summary that I am confident is true and I'm looking forward to being able to give a similar summary from memory (and experience).

I am also beginning to experience what Suzuki described in the entry, To Polish a Tile. When I am washing the dishes, I try to just wash the dishes. As I practice sitting more regularly I also want all my activities to be zazen as described in this entry. "What is true zazen? When you become you! When you are you then no matter what you do, that is zazen. Even though you are in bed, you may not be you most of the time. Even though you are sitting in the zendo, I wonder whether you are you in the true sense." 

I love the simplicity in Buddhism of just beginning again. When your mind wanders, just begin again. Christianity seems laborious with repentance and confession. It just seemed so simple, just begin again.