I think a lot about how I got here. I just listened to a guided meditation by Sharon Salzberg called "Reflections on interconnectedness" from her CD called Guided Meditations for Love and Wisdom. As I said in this blog post, I distinctly remember being assigned Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse in high school. I feel like it had very little immediate impact but is my first memory of learning anything about Buddhism. I also think of my mom and her yoga practice watching Richard Hitleman on TV and using his paperback book. I think of how mindless I was during high school college and for many years afterwards. Gradually various things chipped away at creating mindfulness in me although it took many years for it to blossom like it is now.
During college, the college pastor introduced us to Thomas Merton who became a lifetime influence. I was fascinated when Alan Watts came and spoke. The West Virginia pastor I lived with was also an influence at thinking carefully about what makes for peace. Unfortunately I don't think I applied it to my own life very much though it did have an impact. I did get interested in Christian mystics following up on my readings from Thomas Merton. None of them clicked though and created a frequent practice.
We both remember Clarence Lui who we met at a Matthew Fox conference in Montana. Although I did not develop a regular practice, I did like the meditation practice and what he said made a lot of sense. That is the tape that I mentioned in the blog post above that I kept searching for because I couldn't remember one statement he made. Very similar to when I kept asking John Schramm over and over because I kept forgetting the A. J. Muste quote "There is no way to peace, peace is the way." I knew there was something I wanted to remember, I just couldn't remember what it was.
For many years I kept thinking about that lost tape from the conference. I also remember what it was like to hear the Dalai Lama in 1984 before he was famous. I was awestruck by his words. I think what really activated the journey for me was beginning the regular yoga practice when I was 50 years old. That twice a week practice (and maybe getting older) eventually brought me to where I am now as far as Christianity and Buddhism. As discussed elsewhere, while I still appreciate and love Jesus, the religion they created around him makes no sense to me except as a historical artifact. I think it worked for the Roman empire and continued to work for much of Western Civilization. I think the bankruptcy of modern Christianity can be seen in their devotion to Donald Trump. There are still lots of Christians who want to work for peace and justice but I don't personally need the Christian framework to do that. As I've said elsewhere, Buddhist thought makes so much sense.
I feel like I am beginning to understand the Buddhist wisdom of selflessness. I feel like it is helping me deal with domestic problems at home. I like the way the practice of loving kindness grows out of that. I guess I feel very active and growing in my practice. it is still a challenge to develop a daily practice with my new schedule since I retired. I am very hopeful and confident though that I am moving in the right direction. I haven't done any work at my old place yet though all the paperwork is almost ready and the owner bought a new computer for me to use.
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