"I was too young to understand anything, and I almost feel like I was spiritually taken advantage of. Throughout high school I did a lot of things that I'm ashamed of now. I was so closed-minded at the time, but I guess it's hard to blame yourself when you're only 15 or 16, when your parents and everyone around you is saying this is how it is."

Layus was still in that state of mind when he enrolled in a private Christian college. But eventually, he says, life started happening.

"Finally I started seeing things a little more clearly. And part of that journey was going to a school like that and hooking up with friends who were feeling the same way. Things have changed, and I've completely abandoned that way of thought. A lot of things have happened in my life as far as being married and having a daughter. Being on the road for 3 1/2 years makes the world a lot more real."

NPR interview with Augustana band frontman and singer Dan Layus

I heard this interview on the way to church yesterday. I have been wanting to post some thoughts about being interviewed by the confirmation class few weeks ago. A few of us were asked if we would be on a panel. Most of the questions were not directed to one person and so we were all given a chance to answer if we wanted. I was a little nervous that I might have to choose between an honest answer or one that isn't so heretical but it turned out not to be a problem.

I did not face that dilemma as the kids were either shy or just not that interested. I had actually thought we might each meet individually with the group so it would be more intimate but maybe that would have been too intense for them. The one question that I remember answering was about my confirmation class experience. I am very positive about that experience but I'll save that for another blog entry.

As I look at that confirmation class and my own now 18 year old daughter, I wonder how you you teach the faith to young folks so that they are prepared for the transition to independence. I trying to remember how Marcus Borg talks about the evolution of how we understand the bible stories.

I suddenly had an insight during the confirmation class panel: It has always been my decision to attend church; my parents sent us when we were young but I kept choosing to continue. As I ponder that reality, I realize I always found something of value. Attending church was never out of guilt. If you listen to the interview cited above you will hear Dan talking about his passion that has found a new outlet. The church failed to capture and hold that passion.

I have been aware of the angry God my whole life but have never believed in such a God. I even remember this theological challenge from a fairly young age. I was walking with a friend and we pondered if it was a sin if your house burnt down with your bible in it. I don't think we were theologically experienced enough to solve this dilemma. But that memory shows me that I have been aware of the angry God concept my whole life. I also can not remember a time when I was fearful of this God. My realization that impelled me to start writing this blog is that I am now expressly saying it makes no sense that a sacrifice was necessary. Who set this up? What kind of God needs to sets up a sacrifice as necessary for the human part of creation to join him when they die. Totally weird.