Hearsay and tradition

This is possibly a succinct explanation of what I have found by following Buddhist teachings. The teachings of Christianity seem more and more distant and confusing even though I am well studied in them and teach others.

Do not be satisfied with hearsay or with tradition or with legendary lure or with what has come down in the scriptures or with conjecture or with logical inference or with weighing evidence or with liking for a view after pondering it over with someone else's ability or with the thought "The monk is our teacher." When you know in yourself: "These things are wholesome, blameless, commended by the wise, and being adopted and put into effect they lead to welfare and happiness," then you should practice and abide in them.... The Buddha Kalama Sutta

I have always felt that I was still searching for teaching in Christianity that "I would know in myself." I found many glimmers but it seems now they were all pointing at Buddhist teachings. I think I can stay a church member as I continue to practice and learn. I am finding a realistic context for me in this particular place at this particular time.

As I read and re-read Christian literature and think about what it means to be Christian, I feel I am doing a lot of the same things in the Buddhist practice. I don't see a need to affirm or dispute the presence of God. It seems to me that the thankfulness and gratefulness that are directed towards God by Christians are just as easily for me be there without imagining the supreme being. In some ways I feel very comfortable letting God go. I think Matthew Fox and other authors have also gotten at that but I would have to re-read them to confirm. Jesus was humble and emptied himself. Therefore in some ways Christianity is compatible with atheism. I am not much of a theologian nor have I written much in my journal about that. I just know that I have never been so comfortable with my faith as I am now. I just now see that I did a better job of writing it in this journal entry.